Scenes PFS Log UPDATED LOG 2/11/18 *Recovery*

MNK99

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Nov 6, 2017
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International Waters - Whaling
www.youtube.com
LOCATION
God's Imagination./Limbo.
I still have sides but am pretty close to who I was as a person (still working on that too). We're never the same as we were before anything. I've sort of "been in recovery" for like half my life for other things. Pretty close, trying to be more humble too or not get too angry, too caught up in appearances as much anymore (that's why I took that stuff). But also remember what my plans were right before taking it and carrying on, some things are better /resolved since then and from right before (other major life shyt, less significant in accute PFS, but huge obstacles).

No one's ever the same, after getting laid, high, fired, graduating, meeting someone, getting sick... 20vs 21 30 vs 35. If we're always the same, wtf are we doing? Obviously, some consistency in life is necessary as well.

I'm still suffering, but I'm working on other shyt that can kill me, and regardless, I'll become better bc I'm too pissed off not to be. I'm in too deep. Finally killing off last of "bad habits" now that I'm in this fight. Working on life long insomnia (basically), and other stuff that I practically didn't care about before, and happiness also... GTD but also being happy, as m as I can be, and more when more is under my control. There's timelines for all these things.


I was pretty good before this, but pretty late, lost and confused or focused and agitated most the recent years. Delayed year after year bc of extraneous circumstances, I figured out relatively safe treatment for some really hard to treat things (for me, everyone's different), when I accepted before that all treatment will ruin me and it's better to die young. More or less changed my mind.


, think about that.

Close to myself but less angry (trying to be at least), and fixing mood, focus, anxiety, Insomnia, agitation, and a ton of other shyt that even with perfect hair and no PFS, still didn't make life that amazing... I'm in a race against a lot of bad things. I feel like I lost 15 years, maybe in reality it's 5 or 3 or 4... (Who knows really) But I'll not lose more for anyone or anything.

I can see myself dating someone long term in the future.

I meticulously speed up some slower parts of my brain to bring them more in line with the super fast parts of my brain so I can function, and finally found some ways to slow things down again, so I can be a "good person" (instead of erratic, dark and disturbed), mostly stopped trying whenever I went thru something horrible, but deep deep down, I guess I care.

Wounds heal, the scars may never fade away.


Whatever the hell I get out of working hard, playing their game (society, the world, professional, courtship, money... The game of life), it's mine - cuz I got the scars.

So fuck them. Merck, Pfizer, and anything that hurt. Live your life, and don't let it pass you by. It's not too late to love.

(What is this rant about? Whatever you want it to be about).

I'll never be in danger of medicine (decline, use real drugs instead)or diagnoses (ignore, do what works for me), cosmetics fucking me over (money, FUES, marriage and other stuff - "balancing").


-i'll treat stuff the illegal/proper/medical cannabis way, and avoid new disorders/death sentences.
-Again real drugs are harmless (relatively). diagnoses? (Haha, those idiots don't know shyt 9/10 psychiatrists I've met).
-Hair gone eventually? More likely to die young, and get FUEs so who cares?

So in the end life is more positive.

Life worked out for tons of assholes (billions?), So why not me?



After _____, mania, suicidality, blackouts, betrayal, academic probation,
Various abuses from a ton of idiots... My life will never be the same. I get stronger and more wise.

Gotta pick battles, my sexual health isn't optimal but I was trying to end it last year / this is better , and I'll be better... Because I'm coming back for everything.

It's never the same, but in another way it is, BC all the other stress previous to PFS is there again.... But* that's strictly preferred.
 
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MNK99

Well-Known Member
Nov 6, 2017
3,853
2,538
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International Waters - Whaling
www.youtube.com
LOCATION
God's Imagination./Limbo.
I made a list of 12 things I wanted fixed by last year (bday). I think 9-10 are done. I was zombified most of last year up until a while ago.... So it didn't delay all perpetually. Life goes on, and so must we otherwise they get away with it.

"Everything in life is a constrained optimization." (S.K.)
 
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Goose12

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Oct 6, 2017
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Cincinnati Ohio
@Goose12 Would you put your improvements and feeling back to normal down to Trace elements/mineral balancing?
I would have to attribute a lot if different things that has lead me to where I am now but in the end I think it was all due to mineral balancing. I always felt the better my health was the better my symptoms.

If you look at my first hair test it was pretty good and i was already feeling pretty good, but after my tei cycle labido started to come back online, which is huge for me because I have been a non responder to anything in that department.

I think everyone with pfs should do a hair test because you flying blind without it.
 
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MNK99

Well-Known Member
Nov 6, 2017
3,853
2,538
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International Waters - Whaling
www.youtube.com
LOCATION
God's Imagination./Limbo.
@ Goose12, no way ARL will make ADHD worse right? No way it would trigger mania/depression right ? (Only really effexor and Finasteride triggered severe versions of those for me). Mildly depressed, I can take. Only other things that would trigger mania or did when I was younger was insane amounts of alcohol (obviously not that dumb anymore), sometimes a girl (ditto), or I guess Hypomania if using certain stimulants, day after day with no sleep (but it's useful, graduated like that - productive but not very happy but definitely no delusions ... Unhealthy though).
-Actually pretty healthy physically, and way healthier than drinking or getting terrible results. BUT, not the best mentally (more dysphoric, mildly or strongly down but stable).
-Healthy outside of long times no sleep.

Literally every single thing that helps my other stuff hurts ADHD (like cannabis), and if ARL made me dumber while moving/applying graduate school/job search / trading... This would be bad and I wouldn't even notice it until later, and then I'll freak the fuck out.

-VERDICT: Yeah actually makes those more manageable. -acne fast... accutane don't use... hair shyt, just get rich buy more hair, etc. --> and Mood disorder"?
-obviously minerals won't fuck me up to make that worse... I was worried tho., and you never know... enuff lithium can kill a guy no matter how strong they are.
 
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bruschi11

Well-Known Member
Oct 3, 2017
2,595
2,148
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31
Boston, MA
Man, when you are in the deep hell...recovery means whatever means to you. I was recovered in a partial part, I could live life. PFS has different levels.
You will never ever feel yourself again, do not even hope about that.. that is the same even with normal people.
I second @Goose12 . Anything is possible. Lol ask @Cdsnuts .
 

Goose12

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Oct 6, 2017
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Cincinnati Ohio
@ Goose12, no way ARL will make ADHD worse right? No way it would trigger mania/depression right ? (Only really effexor and Finasteride triggered severe versions of those for me). Mildly depressed, I can take. Only other things that would trigger mania or did when I was younger was insane amounts of alcohol (obviously not that dumb anymore), sometimes a girl (ditto), or I guess Hypomania if using certain stimulants, day after day with no sleep (but it's useful, graduated like that - productive but not very happy but definitely no delusions ... Unhealthy though).

Literally every single thing that helps my other stuff hurts ADHD (like cannabis), and if ARL made me dumber while moving/applying graduate school/job search / trading... This would be bad and I wouldn't even notice it until later, and then I'll freak the fuck out.

Maybe detox reaction itself would be so painful I couldn't work/study anyways.

First long fast definitely could not, if I did again... I could walk, lift a bit (possibly terrible idea), and study. If that's any comparison to the detox of ARL/trace. As in at first I was too Ill, now I'd be more functional but not great. Maybe short term great. 3-4 days no eating and not much sleep, I can work hard. 16-20 days? Probably not.

I hate mentioning it because it's bad luck, but writing supposedly very important exams and I feel like I need to do something new like ARL on a low dose or trace, post cycle (prohormones). But I also don't want to do too much all at once (life, health, school). ADHD alone can fuck up school/work efforts, so that's why I'm asking.

I need super high marks to make up for a (??) Transcript.

Even months after fasting and refeed, some things I did for PFS made short term and working memory quite badly impaired. Lost things, half finished blending drinks, took forever to do some small unimportant tasks. Fk me better use agendas again.
I have never done arl, only trace elements. For me trace elements only caused slight fatigue, but way better sleep. I also had the flue for a week while on tei, I don't know if they are related.

Anecdotal evidence on here seems to suggest tei is alot easier on the body than arl.

Tei focuses on balancing and then has the body detox itself. Arl seems to focus on detoxing to balance the body.
 
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wuf

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Oct 4, 2017
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I have never done arl, only trace elements. For me trace elements only caused slight fatigue, but way better sleep. I also had the flue for a week while on tei, I don't know if they are related.

Anecdotal evidence on here seems to suggest tei is alot easier on the body than arl.

Tei focuses on balancing and then has the body detox itself. Arl seems to focus on detoxing to balance the body.
so basically TEI didn't help, is this what you are saying right?
 

BeLikeWater

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Oct 7, 2017
363
171
43
Man, when you are in the deep hell...recovery means whatever means to you. I was recovered in a partial part, I could live life. PFS has different levels.
You will never ever feel yourself again, do not even hope about that.. that is the same even with normal people.
You are.comoletly wrong I have had little recoveries that I felt exactly the same as before pfs...
 

BeLikeWater

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Oct 7, 2017
363
171
43
I am still waiting for it to happen at 100%. Hope you get there soon. Are you on any protocol at the moment?
8nhave just made my second cycle of Ella, when that happened I was taking a lot of things Hisrocortisone included and Niacinamide, I think Anavar blocking of glucorticoida recwptors its the possible cure look in my blog.
 
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Boris

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Oct 3, 2017
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8nhave just made my second cycle of Ella, when that happened I was taking a lot of things Hisrocortisone included and Niacinamide, I think Anavar blocking of glucorticoida recwptors its the possible cure look in my blog.
When are you going to start var?
 

wuf

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Oct 4, 2017
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338
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8nhave just made my second cycle of Ella, when that happened I was taking a lot of things Hisrocortisone included and Niacinamide, I think Anavar blocking of glucorticoida recwptors its the possible cure look in my blog.
Well, now that you say that, I remember very long time ago... I had a couple of iniections of ACTH and if I remember it right they helped me turning gradually better.. does it make sense since you just mentioned the glucorticoida?...they are kind the similar path, right?
 

BeLikeWater

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Oct 7, 2017
363
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Well, now that you say that, I remember very long time ago... I had a couple of iniections of ACTH and if I remember it right they helped me turning gradually better.. does it make sense since you just mentioned the glucorticoida?...they are kind the similar path, right?
They are exactly the same path.
 

MNK99

Well-Known Member
Nov 6, 2017
3,853
2,538
113
International Waters - Whaling
www.youtube.com
LOCATION
God's Imagination./Limbo.
Scenes still recovered if anyone wondering (sorry scenes, I'll delete this). I know you've moved on probably. Good work mate. Minerals copper, etc... some other stuff... long time ago/ who knows...
 
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