MNK99

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--random rhymes 3am 10.16.2019.

i adapt and improvise from all sources. good and bad. evil and benevolent.i am the malificent. and malevolent and omnipotent and first person omniscient emperor of coincidence, it's common sense, try to comprehend, but they appre-hense, choke in their voice, not sure if you can tell but I'm a little tense, when on airways, i infest their mind and apparatus, they're too fat for this, im hazardous for their motherfucking health, raising my motherfucking wealth, deck of cards i dealt, i appear in the shadows stealth, str8 to the jugular, to the fake thugular, they think they're alpha but they just cuckulur, ill fuck em there and throw em down the stairs like tyson, they'll need a dyson to clean up the mess, as i invest in myself, above all else, and im the messiah of the underworld, think you can fuck with me but you'ze a liar, he has risen, like titanic, ships ive sinken, it's tragic, fucking with manik, untapped and unedited, got beef with me ? you better dead that shyt, you're too soy for this, better off with a clit thank a dick, try to punch me in my face but i opened up with a kick, think you're scary, i'm literally sick in the head and demented, i hope you motherfuckers are offended, didn't take me longer than 3 minutes to pen it, so im coming for your throwns and all your pennants, not ona bender, just been sent to end ya, got some money to lend ya, but you owe me 28g's off that last key, the price is going down on your sound, whenever im around, your girl plays lost and found, i'm 1000 kilos, you're barely a quarter pound, try to play with a pisces, and now you're drowned, i dont even rhyme no more, i just give orders like ___, stick out ears ya that's comedic but instinct is killer like ben stiller, dropping bars, while you're pumping iron but still anemic, im bad for your health make you cough a little emphysem-ic, i follow a code of honor, just to stay on the up and up with your honor, im subcontinental but north americano, high level with or without instrumental, with a smirk im angelic, but likely devil, inside your mind, that's the only time you'll ever be on my level. come against me? that's never.
 
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MNK99

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no longer into vanity nor attraction saving self for marriage. actually forget marriage, im becoming a man of the cloth. only married to god.
think about it***.
 

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--sample of my mentorship program. Expert Level PFS Mentorship Trial Page 1.JPG Expert Level PFS Mentorship Trial Page 2.JPG Expert Level PFS Mentorship Trial Page 3.JPG Expert Level PFS Mentorship Trial Page 4.JPG Expert Level PFS Mentorship Trial Page 5.JPG


gosh darnit no way to attach images w/o post looking crzy. cant put on imgur, will make me look crzy.
 

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1.
i know haters like to talk shyt but a pic's worth a thousand words. when you type 300 wpm and read 1000 wpm, and think far faster, sometimes a pic is all you need to expln how you feel. i text 800 wpm at least 400wpm easily. I filled out 24 or 42 whatever max is, in like 3mins 5mins at least 50-100x. not recently because i dont talk to people.

2.
FUCK!!! better go to bed lift and eat 4000 cals tmro after 8 myb 10h sleep if lack of sleep makes you lose that much weight.
tbh lost 5-10lb in 1-2days sleeping a hell of a lot. which makes sense. esp if fasted. prolly lost more sleeping than not actually by 200 to 300 percent. also gain more lbm but both can be done.

but ya ill sleep dont wanna end up too skinny.

1571387484031.png
 
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RebelWithACause

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HOLY FUCK!!! better go to bed lift and eat 4000 cals tmro after 8 myb 10h sleep if lack of sleep makes you lose that much weight.
tbh lost 5-10lb in 1-2days sleeping a hell of a lot. which makes sense. esp if fasted. prolly lost more sleeping than not actually by 200 to 300 percent. also gain more lbm but both can be done.

but ya ill sleep dont wanna end up too skinny.

View attachment 1931
We need more text in your signature ASAP

tenor.gif
 
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sociopaths get better quicker. psychopaths extremely quickly. here's a clue for you, you disgusting soy midget @OmicronPlus.
this is why i follow a strict code of honor so i can focus on what really matters and not destroy all those around me. you were just a casualty of war. a casualty of my novelty seeking behavior. an impulse i acted upon. say something if you want, but know this: I WILL END YOU.

1571443272488.png
 

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Fuck me... accidentally posted in thread about someone else. my bad. totally an accident. i thought it was odd, but usually i click there to check my signature. force of habit.
realistically should have underlined all things on that PISCES LIST in red, but changed her negative wording. not a parasite at all. have realistic life plans, just not a realistic person, etc. anyways. very logical tho*, but also not always. emotional at times. anyways gotta go. peace out. godspeed. goodnite. i love you all. i love me most of all.



 
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I FUCKED UP i ordered food twice, but was DAMN LEAN AND AMAZING for most of last 4mo str8 minus getting sick anyways. also all of 2016 and most of 2011 to 2016 minus bulking and school. and yes minus 2017. pretty lean most of last 20mo but super lean last 16mo. i want kingsblood lean as fuck 188lb even quitting workouts for 6weeks or 8 earlier this yr tho i was busy/ probably did still calisthenics i cant remember, i cant imagine not working out, so probably i did but only 3-4x a week or so then instead of like 2x a day or one long intense workout that is literally in two different areas of city one after the other and of different types, daily like now, but ya i need a break.

so i ate some food burgers but bad location ok kind of sick then fine
then burrito bowl threw 60 percent of that away and 20 percent of groceries was gonna cheat day instead 3200 cals 260grams protein hella carbs
tmro and next 2-3days 0 cals or only bone broth. fuck it. just water and carbonated water. not for pfs, just to stay shredded.
im still lean it doesnt matter but that place put some garbage in there that hurts my stomach, plus corn chips i got three orders threw 2.3 so not bad.

so to be clear: fucks up my stomach just like childhood better than that. just like 18-24+, the good yrs, so for 20mins -40mins. maybe look 98.8% as lean tmro but soon 100 101%. not like 2017 sickness. in case morons are like you're so pfs/ check yourself first.

----------
yeah well minus stomach problems, 8 or 9 things i do. communications. brush floss gargle. shower and shave that's 3, and nasal and eye care 4, and disinfect clean things. so ya workout 11am actually. better shape than ever and was all last year minus death phase ending. sure more jacked but 170-180 ripped and eventually super super ripped is fine. i was more vascular than roid junkies that are 2x my size well ove 4yrs ago, so yeah fuck it. running 90mins str8 w asthma at 17 from very overweight 16. that was like 26 yrs ago, only looks like 7 to 9 tho.


-------------
3.38am saturday:

basically feel fine agn but will be better after sleep or in a couple hrs. pre and post wrkout later today, then agn its near 4am, so...
could workout soon, then sleep, or just sleep then workout/ either or. now avoids a bunch of fucking morons tho. but ya its not "now" rather near 6am. ill see/ fuck it either way.
 
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--Also not that i care but making sure stupid washing machine no fire.
--ALSO yes cramps a while long time. since last feb march since electrolytes and randro (not blaming those really), but im hyperflexible but knees legs move wrong way cramp, often both same time. fucking hurts. yday fixed it in second. a week ago, took 10 secs or 15, 2 weeks ago took a long fucking time and didnt know which way to bend.

-Shredded. I ate 700cals yesterday, probably 300 today, eventually 1000, and 2000- 2500 tmro. WHY? Why not. 5200 cals so far , 3rd workout today for the week.
-lose like 10-11000 cals. 187 and ripped as fk soon. 191-192.7 now.

-RANDOM jaw and back and abdominal and leg cramping gone or will be. I think gone for a few weeks maybe a month. Nice. Must be Tei*.
 

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Mostly a reminder to myself:
11.49pm, 10.19.2019 year of the Shark!!! 2019 anno domini, [post jesus days]*.

-talked with my brother for an hour.
-Discussed PFS.
-He is going to a biodentical hormone doctor (not sure for him or his wife).
-Anyways discussed professional school, work, doing some internet stuff with him... potentially going back to a familial law office.
-like me, perhaps less, he's kind of a dark horse in the family... we don't exactly do what people think we should, but do fine, in our own way.

TEI, Hormones, Discussion I had:

-Anyways, he and I agree if I only have lets say 20-90d to focus on something and I need to prioritize, then that should be the test.
-Blogging, writing work, I'll just podcast. Youtube can be done... but like Fiver and other things will take TIME. Time to actually build/make mny.
-Trading is fine, but I haven't in 2months nearly, and I was cycling a bit.

-He agrees and listened to a lot of stuff I mentioned about TEI. Also agrees that I'm doing well, but need to forget what other ppl think, and if this test matters more to me than a normal well paid job rite now, then do it now, because, with kids, a wife, etc, eventually that opportunity goes away.
-Anyways I recorded some voice messages I sent him after we phoned and texted.
-He agrees mineral are behind enyzmatic reactions throughout the body. We talked about Dr. Chrisler TRT route vs. things like Randro/4andro, ER, GR, and AR.
-We discussed medicine, psychopharmacology and other stuff. RealSelf, Lookism, etc.(don't go to any of those places, I did obsessively in crash which was an awful idea).
-Left a message for a friend that's into crypto/trading/podcasting as well. He's in Asia, I'll probably call him soon.

Kinda sucks, being far from Toronto, good job in a day there but I can continue doing well here, and you never know where you'll go what matters is working your hardest everyday.

-He's happy and has been for some time with me which is good, feels nice. Wasn't when I was crashing, and last year much of this yr we were all extremely stressed in part due to a little cousin's failing health, and anger and stuff, was kind of taken out on me at times, but I also do that to others.

Anyways basically pfs, health, minerals, hormones, fitness, writing, podcasting, jd school was discussed. also some other stuff like trading, but yeah time is limited.
Do a couple things extremely well, and when pressed for time just do one. Optimal Efficiency.

Future - what do I need: I know who I am, Do You KNow Who You ARE???

He agrees with ADHD and BPII diagnosis and I told him (told him before but pretty quickly) when diagnosed and my speculation 5 yrs ago with one, which doctor, where... why the other came up, and also crashing on FIN. yeah. nice. Recorded some audio, may save for podcast. Podcasting makes more sense than some writing jobs, because I don't need to edit and can do it one draft (like this). And unlike youtube, you remain relatively anonymous, which isn't really a huge huge deal, but there are some people I'm avoiding, and I do tend to get into conflicts/altercations a lot. And I'd like to keep certain aspects (see: ALL) of myself hidden from said professional school/ the admission council.

I'll do more TEI for sure. Mood 0 or 3 or 4/10 to 8/10 in days. Asthma better than ever. sleep better than like 15 yrs straight... etc. Only real reason I haven't is bc I was studying, and over time become a bit more cynical, but mostly distraction and not being on time. Fucked up my hair like 3x for this sample. Mostly, like work (normal work not trading., or at least creative on own schedule work, writing gigs), that and school will force structure in my life. Along with tei, and stims when needed (not on TEI), I'll be more efficient and secure that career, work, life I want. He asked what do I need, I explained stim and Mg basically. Some choline. Lamictal, he says fuck hair then...

TEI can do a good job of that too. Hope everyone's doing well. Thanks for everything.

I'm a writer, a talker, and argumentative. I like trading, so I can't fight those things especially the first three. I can go be a day laborer or go get real estate work, this and that immediately but they'll make my score suffer, and I won't like what I'm doing. Applying to some voice over work, some on air thing, and some coaching work right now, but have back up options, and all of this is really just for more "normal" work experience and some more money, independence, but *secondary* to this test.

basically thought about pre prof. school work. dex for study or work is great. for trading not. i can trade well or do well on this test, maybe a tiny bit better, more organized, more structured, better sleep, mood, in control, i can do both rite away, but a lot of stuff has occurred, so ill make things easier and more routine, by changing my routine by subtracting one thing for the time being, and adding one other thing. ANYWAYS*, It's a whole thing.


-Also Notable: Re Vaping:

-MMJ (not an issue for me): Fungus.
-Nicotine: (mostly crappy news, but some real, and most is big 5 tobacco sponsored news). ---> Some oil--fluid in lungs, mino something.. minocillites? i forget the word he used. --anyways, good HK brand device, Japanese batteries (Sony), good CDN juice (best vendor in VC, Toronto, or one other place) = safe.
--smoke a pack/ throw most of that have a few puffs, can workout insane, and even better no coughing vaping, im fine. Blow up battery, act like a moron, buy some chinese flea market batteries, build your own battery, buy some off brand bs and abuse it, and vaporize metals wrong temperature, be a dumb sad fatty = not fine.
-correct.
-only do work i like unless smth leads to other stuff i like and when it's essential (i.e. after prf. school essential bitch work if needed/ can skip potentially, (not doing corp l, zero interest mostly, need better call saul 40 cellphones in a drawer type stuff otherwise fuck it, why bother). into racketeering, money laundering, not social justice, nor am i into followin 1000 rules from senior douchebags. ---so yeah focus on work i enjoy, and enjoy the other stuff that's critical for the other stuff. that is all.
-pdcst. if god forbid i need scl mda, use 3 max: t,i,stmt cc blg.


--Reality:

AD/BPII confirmed by 170 180 iq docs and a couple others also life etc... so ya. good/ i obv knew this alrdy.
I TRICKED Them for a long time (I act NORMAL in person, vaguely normal, there's an infinitesimally small difference between how i act and "normal". Integration.
fking geniuses figured me out, and i don't resent them for it.
 
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--CANADIANS:
--OF AGE OF MAJORITY:
--If healthy, working, elligible to vote, etc,
--VOTE TMRO.
--it's come to my attn that the election is tmro. October 21st 2019.
--Results at night.
--If you're tired of being represented by a soyboy narcissist who hates all that Canada was built on, VOTE CONSERVATIVE.
--We can't all be Plenty of Fish - Hogs. Some of us actually got things to do besides waiting on welfare and identifying in some cuckold group id. If you're an individualist, not a rampant snowflake socialist, vote Conservative.
--I usually don't care for politics, but Economically, Legally, Politically, and SOCIALLY, Liberals go against everything I stand for.
--Oust Trudeau. He couldn't give a damn less about Fin Transvestites.
--Vote for Schier or whatever the conservative head is. (I don't watch tv, so I'm guessing that's their name). Use valid ID, with current address or a utility or similar bill.

#141

Trudeau Jr's an NPD Douchebag, and he should stop dancing and go back to France or Syria or Al Qaeda or wherever the hell he's from (HELL).
Opinion | Does Justin Trudeau hate men?
 
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hair transplant/election day.

Post Shave (most of face, didn't actually wait long enuff, box didn't shave, i.e around mouth). 1.11am. post shave post shower pre workout (5.45am wish gym open now), pre 175d fast to lose 38% bodyfat, pre voting. pre getting work done. Pre sleep. I'm so fucking ready!!! Did 650 or 720 or so reps yday, doing just lite gym today.
-then working on more stuff, doing some now, pre gym. then... getting more work done after gym, and then sleeping. water/bone broth 175d to get disturbingly ripped.
-getting a hair transplant pre voting pre election today also, post gym mind you.

shaving hair for hairtransplant below.
just wait getting mega session, from 75 black beauty horses. arab cocaine racing slayer horses.

pre hairtransplant pre election pre gym pre cum.JPG
 
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I'll likely delete this cuz prolly make me cry later but for now i dont care.

all jokes aside. can get way way way better. crash phase/ not worst photos.
stay away from mirror good advice. certainly DID most of first 6mo after starting fasting, REAL fasting, not juice (didn't work or did 1/1000 as much in returns for me. i juiced like 2mo+). then water fasted.
-fall/winter 2017. Crash was spring end or second crash perhaps, maybe first crash on it. anyways, gets significantly better.


--i do not exactly want to, but will post a pic of crash, IF i can find it. likely on old dying/dead cell phone. and or... dying macbook. --jaw may look bigger but i gained and lost like 40lb then 30lb since then, skinny as fuck most the time now but can be 185 to 192 too (would take some doing tho).
--but eyes and face was NOT GOOD
and i looked totally different but i recoved most of face 20mo 22mo ago some changes over time, and ya you look a bit dif as you age, and at 192 ripped vs 170ripped or 198 jacked bit of fat vs 176 less muscle less fat etc
[1:59 AM]MNK99:
--JESUS. Not sure why I did this to myself, but yeah stay away from mirror. THIS was AFTER worst of worst bc i think i moved during some of this time, and cant find spring that much and dont really want to, but might have them, clearly fatter, that last foto looks thin face as fuck but thats cuz my hand is like 8 feet high im lanky. but during crash - beard bad, eyes different, did gain weight, and EXTREMELY depressed, hence always in bed.



forcing fake smile tryn to see why i didnt look same as always. wow heartbreaking. anyways gonna go fucking workout in a few hrs. gonna smoke now, again, not sure why the fuck i dug up past, but anyways im cool. i just wanted to show, maybe it wd help ppl, that trolling aside.
it can get way way way better. 80 or 95% or 99% better or 50/52 or 29/30 or 28/30 symptoms can be reversed within 1 year of fasting.
even less, more like half a yr, if you train like a supersoldier like me. if insane like me, even quicker.


look like a 27 yr old professor wearing same clothes and glasses now and ripped . then looked dying. and can see and have better hair and way better facial hair and look less like im dying and terrible. agn, didnt wanna show this, but for ppl that think that things dont get better or that suicide's an option for them, i thought so too, but thank god and hackstasis and some others like swolesource, CD, Maxout, etc, that I was incorrect. K8688b, Bruschi, Jacknap too ( a friend from same city, same illness, gave me some hope too). Boris, Helen, Ihatefin too. and many others, but off top of head rite now.




jesus
shit hair cut too. and didnt cut, cuz they shaved it couldnt say no to barber. could barely find home from gym like 300feet away
fuck me.
anyways whatever its in the past but only 1.9yrs ago
gotta go workout drink and shoot drugs
haha jk just workout. write. study. myb trade but prolly not.
hair looks thinner bc lamotrigine raping my hair plus pfs plus post surgery plus shitty haircut plus didnt cut it and also barber shaved like extremely close to scalp i was too sick/ weak to fix fuck all. face looked 80% normal like 20mo ago, 85 88 90 or so 19mo ago, 92 or so 15mo ago, etc.
 
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prolly shd have listed pics esp the better healthier pics of yday and 2d ago and this morn 1am with real instead of fake captions. but yeah.
anyways: for comparison.

death phase 2017. actually fuck that photo look deranged. Death Phase below. Normal/ now like within 36hrs or so are all thumbnails and i'm not lying down.

1571645769124.png

_either lying down all these cuz couldnt stand or THAT plus surgery. CFS on steroids plus SEVERE DEPRESSION.

1.5 days ago or so two bottom pictures with hoodie. that was a nice shirt above/ pretty sure threw it away/ was ripped anyways and it's too big now. had it like 4-5yrs.
conversely had hoodie pictured below since 18 or 19.

well i dont really have lying down face fwd pics and i dont actually smile all that much... so hard to compare but im sure they exist, i was vain... and am slightly vain ish now still, (BUT IGNORED CAM AND MIRROR long ass time, bc its better for me), and did try all facial expressions. its just angry, agitated, slight smirk is my norm. smile and laugh at something funny but for a gay ass photo, its kinda tough. even if i am happy.


and ya sometimes some other issues like too skinny or too fat but im saying face was totally messed as was facial hair (uneven patchy tho that was 2 weeks or 3 weeks unshaved and also i grow 5x faster now and its full but better texture, and if i squinted made stupid face eyes either look normal or nearly normal, crows feet issue mostly gone. at times gone. why? idk., stress i guess. sometimes worse but nowhere near that abnormal aging of 2 yrs ago).

Next photo sad but not suicidal/pfs sad, like normal life is hard sad, but with adhd you go do some other shyt 10s or 2s later anyways and busy you forget, not like 11mo or 8mo severe depression (2017)., maybe 6mo or more after effexor withdrawal (2008 or 2009). last pic sad or self loathing/ resting bitch face, not sure but there it is. haha.
 

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Actually fuck it. Here. Lying down suicidal death phase vs. 2-3d ago, i dont know but within 3d or so. maybe a week but i dont think so.
--i wanna kill myself for this photo. the terrible fake smile one 2.2 yrs ago or so.
--and i want to kill others, better healthier photo a couple to several d ago.
---> as in WTF? PFS IS REAL??? and OK fine now i gotta take care of rest of life, that shyt was HORRIFIC and AWFUL, but thank god somehow got out of it.

-i don't have good cameras only ultrabook and cell android cameras and i definitely often don't have a steady hand. but if I TRY I can dig up more terrible photos and take a steady hand shot, but im not going to because fuck this. anyways. im j saying you can clearly tell i was sick, as per lying down, fucked up beard, messed up eyes, no self care. now i only lie down after 1-4 workouts in a couple d. mostly kidding, i slept well 60-70% of this yr, by yr end 83 - 85, but better on tei. and ok last yr pre tei at times, NO sleep at times. NO SLEEP PERIOD one year 2017. And historically bad sleep, but just like bipolar ii/adhd and life stress was bad really bad at times, trust me PFS was fucking worse.

Outside of health issues most of 2017 to 2018 and going back to society etc this yr, 2013-2016 slept well enuff but usually exhausted from fitness and work/school. sometimes none due to deadlines, probably more like often none, but yeah... that's just me. rather lose sleep and not fk up my life than sleep like a baby all the time. but truly first time as an adult, i see and understand and dont just shrug it off, that sleep is important. tei did something to mood and perception. going to continue. said that a lot, but yeah things just get in way/ i get sidetracked. plus transitioning work and edu and a lot of shyt rite now, wierd phase, good phase, but anxiety provoking, also tryn keep lots of ppl happy, also myself is hard. but mostly who cares, self investment over all, and being a good person, and in doing so ppl are happy w/ you anyways. even then, mostly what matters is how you feel about yourself. not vanity stuff, but what you've done, who you've become , and where you're going, with your life exp - both good and bad behind you. never forgetting... that you're here for a real reason.


gotta go, hoping gym opens soon. 3 hrs. jesus, gonna TCB and then go workout. gonna walk and run also to forget this shyt.
(tons of tension in life, im super expressive hence drama, acting, improv etc did for yrs, hence always raised eyebrows, hence forehead lines, hard to not raise eyebrows).
lips equal chapped extremely dry city. moisturizing a stupid amt of times, literally 3x what i would in toronto. altho i do shower/wash face and hands a fucking ton too.
 

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#142
--Not sure why i never remember, but yeah.
--they always work always get shyt done mon to thurs.
-lith/ just get there (i did/ itll come mon morn), and tei just get 1/2 shipped from there, using intl shpn.
--DHL.
-Viking Shipping 4 Life.

--I meant to also say, but it's good I forgot, because then I can add this second thing.
--1. Gut Protocol 2 weeks or so (imperfectly another week or 2 before that, was waiting on things), helped. Instead of IBS or whatever and using washroom like 5-10x a day, more like 2-3 now. And weight stable or near it 172-175lb sometimes 177lb but i gain and lose quickly. Maybe 3-5x rather than 6-14x a day.
--2. ANY (helpful) herb makes me shed, helps e.q., sometimes good mood, sometimes not, but yes good for sex, and I guess still good for gym. I'm pretty strong anyways. I think it is good for gym recovery wise, can workout quickly again (tho can 10h 12h 16h anyways), but with less pain. --Makes me shed a lot at times.
--I bought cordyceps, Eluthero, and one more... I forget a few weeks ago, took em 10-14days, quickly went from 171 to 180lb but I gain and lose quickly. with proper digestion improved, more like 175-177lb. 171 is pretty skinny for me, but im lean regardless and ill probably gain 10lb when randomly busy, lose 10lb when busy a different way so who cares. strength maintenance, conditioning, and injury prevention are more key.
-eating 2700-4300cals lately per day.
-acquiring maybe 4mo to 16mo or so of Lithium today (ideally). (depends on dosage, if I'll even stick to it). It is good when insomnia ridden, or when agitated, or when just wanting to chill.
-choline, dex, mg alone 8/10 mood much of day, but with NF cold showers, workouts, walking, and stuff. Focus IDK 5-10/10, need to journal/ plan effectively. WHEN stomach is good i focus better because i am less late. stomach was bad 2months, pretty much better than it's been in 2-3.3yrs maybe longer. longer than finasteride and pre. but its hard to remember. it can randomly change tho again.
--looking fwd to more bpii/adhd gains, and more tei for everything. i will not supplement the additional mg, b, nor choline, nor herbs (barely used), while on that.
--i have maybe 3-4 hair samples cut, maybe ill send them all, and get dif dated hair tests, maybe not, if that's like 1500-2000 dollars (my accounting leaves something to be desired).


-note: randro, 4andro, herbs etc were all good for me pfs, strength, etc wise, returning to normalcy, but at times pretty bad for agitation -- but that's bpii/agitation/adhd, possibly other shyt. more and more androgenic, you get pissed off (some do at least), but most this year it's fleeting, once a day.
--I DO still very much dislike mornings, but part of that is waking up at 2am wanting to workout 3am, jacked up stomach till 5 am, getting to gym 6am (cleaning obsessively etc also), wastes a lot of time, but that's getting better. ill work on... going to bed at a normal time not too early not too late, and waking up early.
--no electronics in bedroom 95% of this year, but i do use them sometimes in bedroom but never sleep with them in there. --last 3months slept 8-10hours often, but that is odd to me, but yeah you need rest. --i don't really have the time to sleep that long, but I guess in some ways its better than being even crazier. I just know myself, and that will change, esp as I get back to things I kind of was distracted from a couple months.

-note: Like every single thing in the world, gut protocol took some getting used to, and did mess up stomach or cause some bloating initially. now gone or near gone., or it's gone in a couple hours rather than possibly 6-10hrs initially, but my stomach has always been sensitive. And this is true of literally almost anything I could take, advil, drugs, meds, now not so much. Water retn was far better than tei initially and far better than pfs 2017 and half of 2018, but again I'm leaner.

2.17am 10.28.2019
#143
--3. Every single thing works, GABA, Theanine, etc, Mg, anything I've taken randomly has had effects. Shedding on preworkout with creatine, better gains (i hate that stuff and preworkout anyways, I'm pretty fucking jacked up on nothing. so coffee, and dex is enough, fuck preworkout for me). citicholine, alpha-gpc etc.
-i had all supps meds down to 0-3 but i acquired more/ moved some from my house. left side cabinet has 4 random things for pfs, tho hcl and enzymes i still take but not everyday. or if often, not a hi dose. --right side has adhd/bpii stuff: theanine, dex, choline, mg, b. -- soon lith.
--inhalers, i didnt even have em till chain smoking, but ya that was obviously dumb/ bad coping.

2.27am 10.28.2019
Time, long long PCT, after long long Randro/4andro cycles, 4months NOTHING (for pfs and sometimes nothing for other stuff, then I realized... I better get work done or im screwed), and again time --- helped get rid of that terrible fluid/fat that was there part of 2018. All of 2019 gone. And I guess edging away a tiny bit more bodyfat. Takes time to recover from randro/4andro. Kind of freaked out when I was 171-173 and was just as ripped at 190 or nearly 190 but obviously weaker, but yeah, I can fluctuate a lot. 171 is skinnier than ever but also like 30lb more lean mass if not far more, but it was like 45-50 more, but yeah it's hard for me to maintain weight without really taking breaks, this and that. school ill gain 5-10lb random fat. work/study to get in, ill lose 10 random pounds. random injury, lose 10lb, its always kind of been like that for me.

4.28am 10.28.2019
fucking cant title this concisely.
7 audio tapes, it'd be a perfect log instead of difficult to read/understand. anyways. maybe even 3 long ones, if actually rehearshed. maybe 4-5.
it's fucking odd, I used to make PERFECT sense writing. And speaking was harder. I think both are near perfect 50% of the time, the rest i phone it in. Business writing is perfect (but lame and extremely annoying unless it's paid work, or you need something done). Speaking is far easier now. Dif times of the day, it's different tho, there's many different styles. ALSO I'm talking about like 21-40d maybe insomnia out of like 120 or 160days of cycle, maybe probably more insomnia.
-BUT yes i did feel tired at times. ALSO sexual drive kept me up at night. AND also HIDING literally every single thing I'm doing from family. I've always been secretive. thx god that's over mostly/ no longer there. but definitely felt april may i could move out again. only fasted jan to a bit of feb rite before that, so life borderline decent in 4mo.
(well after 11mo crash that was pure hell).

I mean pre losing my mind at university/ not fin at all. IF I Try really hard and edit, it'd be perfect/ but would take quite a bit longer.
Nothing to do with fin, I mean when mania/ organization became serious issues. (semi serious not that bad, i guess pretty serious but not usually super extreme).
thought disorganization, and language disorganization is definitely a factor. I can envision writing this whole thing 20 different ways. A talent and a curse.
 
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--For Log:
--Obviously Premature. And I don't stick to treatments for psyche issues, but I will this time, as it works, and post 3000cals, 10mg lith, worked out maybe 18hrs ago (dex and lith taken 8-9pm, it's near midnite so I worked out 6am). I had some work to do so took dex late, but took in morning with choline. Took with pct and this and that to see if anything ruins the lith, I think being lean, mostly super clean, makes it work effectively. Bought more. Feels as good or almost as good as lamictal did. Kind of crazy, that it works so well. Wish I was on that at 16 or so, maybe even younger.
-If I'm prescribed 40mg dex on the upper limit and take 20mg usually maybe 30mg at times with choline, I can stick to 20mg, I can actually take 10-15mg with lith and choline 600mg. --Theanine takes it from stable mood and CHILLED (focused and ok on dex, to good mood and relaxed No Agitation, less angry, less anxiety, little racing thoughts, less OCD), with lithium, to a bit better.
--So mood and focus 8/10++.
--The thing is it'll take like 3-4 weeks to stabilize dose, I'm guessing 20-40mg maybe 150mg which is like pediatric dose of Lith Carbonate for BP. At the higher range.
--I'm trying 5-15mg a day, maybe 5mg am, 10mg at night.
--Or even just microdosing lith and dex, so more like 6, 6, 6, and 10-15mg dex. If open up both L.O. and D-A. Spansules (Brand name GSK. Dexamphetamine), and dosing just a bit of the spansules.

--At first it may seem good, may get worse. I can ride out 2lb weight, water retn/stomach is better now for most part, as is digestion. Some pain, a tiny bit of acne, dehydration, and some tremors is expected. 30days, it'll likely be gone. Like most people with these condns, it will be kind of tough to ride out 4weeks, or say 21-25 of those days. I'll try.
--If I'm ever super depressed, and need to seriously get to a doctor for serious medication and or a therapist, I'll up to 100-200mg, and then go on mirtazepene, etc, that's rare, like every 5-10 years or never... never really outside of Fin, or other issues. I likely won't have to ever, but I'm planning ahead. I'll update my P.Doc, and wrote a note to another doc that I stay in touch with.

--My Jrnl:
-- Treating ADHD/BPII Day 1. Oct. 28th 2019
--Dex, Choline, Mg, B 4am. Some 8 or 9am. Some of each 8pm, and Lith 10mg.

--good focused but agitated, stressed, slept but late. slept 6hrs 1pm to 7pm. maybe later.
--Dex, Choline, Mg, B, Lith 10mg, 8pm or 9pm after eating, and gut protocol, whey. ---other food and all this added to 2700cals 200grams protein (donair, whey, yogurt, olive oil, rice).

--re: Lith is pretty good. Maybe not as antidep as Lamictal, but can add other stuff to it or just use TEI.
--PFS was brutal and necessitated no meds for a time (well acc to ppl far dumber mostly (minus 3/10000 of them -- both super smart but insane, one a navy seal, the other 2 crazy), anyways ADHD/BPII is harder now and I can just do what others say or do what intended to and treat it.
--Id be on lamictal if it was'nt fucking deadly and also anti bodybuilding, anti aesthetics, anti hair, and also anti memory, and also pro tremors, pro sjs, etc.
--BUT choline dex can be 7-8 many hrs, with lith 8 plus and with tei and lith, and dex and choline if needed (dex definitely, choline ideally but it may reduce thyroid hormones), itll be great.
--Mg Lith Food Sleep calcium slow down, nicotine, caffiene, dex, B speed up.
--It is what it is, to feel normal, make life way easier, accept tiny bit of risk, and keep dose low. If others need 300 -500mg Lamictal, I need 50-125. Some need 400-1200mg Lithium, I may only need 2.5-20mg lith orotate. So it's not bad.

1. Like Dextroamphetamine (D-Amp), Desoxyn (D-M-Amp), Lith is potentially a perfect drug.
2. I needed something to chill out dex and otherwise agitation, anxiety, racing thoughts, switching up and down with or without dex or coffee.
3. Worst case (if sick like 2017 and needing something SERIOUS), I'll take the pediatric dose 150mg. Then Mirtazepene (Dr. R. McIntyre, AND PFS people used this, I am against all psyche meds knew no one would help, so I fasted like crazy).
4. More likely, 5mg -20 maybe 30mg and some time letting it make me gain 0-2lb or shed or whatever, some acne is fine. 5mg worked well at nite. I have 1200mg total could last 2mo 4mo who knows.
5. Brings down anything, for instance workout drugs, TEI. TEI will cure the rest so PFS will go 95 99 --->100, asthma -->100, ADHD/BPII 90-95.
-ADHD/BPII and fitness but mostly that's literally for the prior and just to keep up discipline, also needs fasted training, cold showers, NF, etc. I do all that anyways.
-Like Lamo, I can see kills urges to drink, etc, can sit and relax, Probably I could take 10mg or 20mg (taking now, but did take 40-55 and rarely 60mg dex (all nighters, finishing 2 exams etc). So 10-15mg lith 10mg dex or 20mg dex, plus I'm lighter now, not much fat.
--It's like Lamotrigine in many ways, but Lamotrigine is more complicated. BOTH can be deadly, but the mineral version is so light. It's just a different I guess inorganic compound that is dissociated, compared to Lithium Carbonate, anyways it is absorbed/ utilized with less wreckage.
--TEI will help all hormonal levels be optimized. THOSE numbers barely matter anyways as I had only 3-4 bad bad things, maybe 5, and all were ok post water fasting, minus SHBG, Fsh, lsh, etc.
--KInd of horrible that lith was there forever, and could have taken this shyt at 12 or 16... but what can you do.
--Lith Choline Dex and bullet journal full time or contracted work plus school life can be 9 -10/10 eventually.

As in feel pretty normal can handle annoyances can handle not knowing certainty and delays and also overwhelming feelings etc. ---> MUCH Like Lamictal, less hypo.
--both can cause hypo, jittery slightly loopy in beginning, clouded thinking. I don't have loopiness nor cloudedness but probably would if I upped dose a ton. Lamictal was hard hitting fast, this is after a hell of a lot more trauma, but also slightly more careful, and worst case I'll go on Lamo and say fuck hair altogether, but I think I can manage with this for now and a long long time, occasionally cycling on and off, to keep side fx at bay, and also to optimize health and never get side fx ideally.

feel close ish to normal on day one. not palcebo, its because if i take 10-20things 5 days a year, and fast 365d, i have zero toxicity and everything hits hard.

-weight: 178lb post like 2800cals, post 2 wrkouts (quick calisthenics after quick light to moderate weights (heavy for most people for sure)).
---so no food 173lb 172 lb no glycogen, with normal diet 174.5. some extra cals for recovery plus pct herbs 175 to 176.5lb, so maybe 2lb is digestion and lithium, not bad at all. It'll go down in 8hrs and won't be an issue in 21days. --lith would make nofap 90-150days easier than previous 45-50day times, and make me workout 4-5x a week and not care rather than 14x a week, sleep early, wake early, take it easy with tei 45 d cycles and chill.
-cost, I think 120-150 for choline theanine lith 2-3mo, maybe 600 a year, dex like 500-1000 a yr with insurance, so like, 1600 and tei maybe is 1500, so 3100 a year, for great mental and physical health is clearly worth it. If things are super tight/ and i have to prioritize only 2-3 things, they would be: Dex, L.Or., and Choline.
Theanine, Mg, and B also, I'd buy on sale. -- I just got 3 bottles L-Theanine for like 10.00 or something canadian, Iherb.ca. Mg and B - randomly on sale/ groc stores.

-Also I expect dizziness nausea and thirstiness all fine except thirsty but always am. I'll lower cals a few days a week for a month and would anyways with gut protocol, tei, etc., and also being cut, rather than say LBM increasing phase.
--Other tweaks: include: Nofap, fasted training but some cheat days as needed, and also cold showers, and also cold training outside. Minus 20 the last 2 days, walked 5-6miles fast. Fucking cold tho, ears freezing. making sure to buy mittens and ear muffs.
 
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-I'm not talking about what's on that thread and don't really care either. -hence ill post here on my log.
-
Potassium and progesterone I tried. Didn't do anything of significance.

Not sure how RU would help me as it also hasn't cured anybody here :)

Could potentially help people a lot. Set up for healing. I don't think fasting alone cured anyone either, but 30-50% and then a few other things that work.(for whoever), could for sure get many (not saying ALL, because how would I know), up to 80%+.

Randro alone may do 10-40%, but it's not really "alone", it's with diet, exercise control, electrolytes, timing, post cycle therapy, cycle quantity, what steps are taken before, and after. I don't regret trying ru, and it likely isn't top 4 things for me, but I'd still like a prescription or would like 18months ago. Now I just collect substances just incase, but really i prefer minimalism. For instance all I took today was 2.5mg Lith, 17mg dex. Vit b. Mg. a cup of coffee, a tiny bit of eluthero.
--The first 4 have nothing to do with pfs for me, the last is literally just because I overtrain and want to see if I should be 175 or 173 or 178 ish pounds.

--who knows what percentage ru486 helped me, but doing things meticulously, then easing back once a critically maintenance and better state of health is achieved, is strictly preferrable to giving up.
--For what it's worth, I think mostly prog did jack for me. Ru maybe 5-10% max, and that's a big maybe, it was just shortly after refeeding and fasting which clearly did like 1000x more. --but* if I had a prescription for 200 ru, I'd have microdosed it more than I did (like 4-5 pills -- prolly less, probably threw/lost some, and some seized nyways).

Edit: I'm guessing 10-20 pills would have sufficed, a prescription for 200 ru would just have been ridiculous and or crazy. No one would rx that.
-I'm guessing that people 90-99% or whatever, could just get an antiaging/functional health doctor and get ru or anavar or whatever... to trial things they haven't (as long as they don't crash).
 
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--1. Difficult to Fast too too long still can but no need to I'm ripped to the bone and very healthy so fuck it.
--2. I did want to fix digestion and rip up a bit, but rather than fasting 3d, like I tried, I basically just did 18h and 20h. But 16h or even less basically sleep mostly, but I did fast 20h today, that + no Lith today + no gut protocol = 172lb down from 178 w post meals yday or truly 176, so yeah I lost 5-7lb in one day. and am more ripped but who cares really. but yes, I can detox and avoid toxicity thusly. I always did this with dexedrine etc, not sure why I didn't just take Fin 2 or 1 x a week or duta once every 35 days or whatever. Fuck it anyways man.
 

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