Yeah, I'm sure it would now and kind of did then, but I wanted to make money and show my prnts i know what im doing, so i traded a lot and worked out all the time much of last year. hence, despite tiredness from randro/4andro and pct, i still slept 5-7hrs. i napped here and there but i don't like napping. now tho, yes 2 pct herbs, i gain 5lb, and sleep like 10-12hrs. lith also does that a bit. but sleep is needed, what can you do. now that it's dark all day and minus 20 and worse, and i'm on my own agn, it's not too bad, but i do feel that sleeping so much is a waste of time. i think 6-7 is fine for me, which means probably more like 8-9 is fine for me.
i tend to do things all in a rush, like i made sure i was up to 80th percentile in a few weeks of like 120 hrs studying for some test, but then... work and other things got in the way, and it was hard to break 87th or 90th consistently, and i slightly ignored/ ran away from it, but yes, back on that. ill focus on mny agn later, but there's better ways for me than trading. trading and studying for this all day is pretty hard, ill save trading as a tertiary/ hobby activity, tho i am better at it now. plus what helps me study, kind of worsens trading, as it's a low dopamine -activity, or it's optimized in that way. and studying, writing (another way to make money/ or voice things, or even sales if need be), kind of is high dopamine (at least to me, it works). trading all high dopamine is DANGEROUS.
also it wasn't pure distraction/ adhd/ nor bpii. it was actually my stomach too was messed up like 20-40hrs a week for a few mo, but also i was very disorganized, and waking up and sleeping random hrs, but if i try really hard, can reinstill structure. a long convo with my brother and another doc ( a friend from my city i lived in 10yrs when i crashed on fin), helps me kind of keep on track. also bullet journalling. keeping structure is one of the hardest things for me, it was damn good when just in recovery mode, or fasting mode, but really for me, i need flexible career/ sole practice kind of jobs. team environment, 9-5 isn't for me. 5-5 the next day 24hrs and some breaks, that is.
___ and ___ , fuck it. it's decided. if i knew everything i know now at 14 then i'd be done at 17 but what can you do.
--also if i avoided pssd and pfs many yrs later and treated bpii/adhd the rite way on day one, itd have been so m easier but ya what can you do... live and learn and accept it.
-and do well w your life for you and others, then it's fine. well not really 17 more like 24 or 25 26. but whatever. --crucial career things decided.
i'd get an oil job in this city, but i'd prolly die. can't do labor things, too clumsy. like a driving job it's just too dangerous for me, esp in icy conditions.
if i had area's photographic memory or my brother's test taking ability, i'd get 99th, but whatever 80-90 is pretty good. 95 94 is fine enuff, screw it. ill rewrite if need be.